Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
