So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
