Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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