you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Randomize
