ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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