Your face is a jimmy john
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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