Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
