Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
