genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
