This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
