my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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