and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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