Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
