she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
