Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
