am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
bring money and cleavage
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
