so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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