its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we're making bets on your personal life
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
