if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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