Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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