if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
