Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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