Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
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On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
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I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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