So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
