Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize