You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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