I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
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she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
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Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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