It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
