one word: firstdatebathroomanal
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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