i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
In America we eat man semen.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
