i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
