Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
