Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
