Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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