my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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