I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
