none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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