you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
