Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize