apparently the secret to your success is patron
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
