Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
