i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
