I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
