The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
