I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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