I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
