I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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