And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
