I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
