There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
