mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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