If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
