Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oh god it's open bar.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
