does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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