My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You've changed since you got that strap on
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
