It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
