once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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