If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
