the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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