it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
