Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
