I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
