at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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