i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
