Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
