It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
