Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
