Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
