i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
