ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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