My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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